This isn’t what I wanted my first post to be.
This post is bullshit.
This isn’t something a sister, or father, or mother, or friend should ever have to write.
But this is where I am right now and as much as I want to curse God, the Universe, and everyone in between, that will not bring my brother back. All my family and friends can do now is love each other deeply, pray as best we can, and be sure to allow Luke to live through us – which means telling the dirtiest jokes we know and living the absolute best life possible.
Teaching seems more important than ever now, but that doesn’t mean I am ready. My soul needs to heal and my family needs me more than ever. Although hope, joy, and optimism are in short supply, they are not missing. We are surrounded by love and comfort.
As my father mentioned, our friends have become sponges – getting as close to us as they possibly can in an attempt to absorb some of the pain. While I welcome their comfort I also welcome this pain because it is a reflection of how deeply I love my brother. There is no other person in the world as much like me as him – my big brother, my sidekick – my best friend.
Everything I do from this moment forward is to honor him. There is a slight chance I have gone completely off my rocker, but I believe he is here guiding me with every breath. I feel him all around me.
Yesterday I asked him if this was all just so he could spend more time with me. What an asshole.
For those of you who love him, or those who would love him if given the chance to know him, beneath are my reflections and remembrances from the service. Signing off for now.
I love you. And I beg you to keep loving each other – above all else .
Luke was about as unique as a person can be. His intelligence, determination, and fierce stubbornness were second only to his compassion and empathy. By day, he was the brilliant attorney – the only indications of his Brazilian ju jitsu lifestyle were the hint of a tattoo he went to precious lengths to cover in the courtroom and the black toe nail polish hidden underneath his leather loafers.
Regardless of the arena, Luke lived as the ultimate word smith, so much so that many of his epic stories required a glance in a pocket dictionary.
Above all, Luke believed in the potential for greatness in everyone, and had no tolerance for anything less; which is why it means so much to me to know he was my biggest fan.
We were sidekicks from the start.
As can be the way with sibilings, many arguments turned into physical altercations. I still have no idea how my dad managed to drive the minivan with a full on MMA fight raging in the backseat. More than once, one of us was condemned to the “way back”. You know, the miles away third row of the minivan.
One evening, at my mother’s best-friend’s house, a battle ended with Luke’s backside being shoved through the drywall. This was it. Mom was going to ground us for life – she might even take away the Nintendo. How would we survive without Zelda & Bomberman? We walked downstairs, hand in hand, terrified at the reign of hell fury that would surely fall upon us.
But that’s how it always was – fighting one minute, holding holds the next. Eternal teammates no matter what.
By the time we were old enough to realize we viewed the world uniquely, we were attending Catholic middle school. Luke decided we could have our own set of beliefs. They went a little something like this.
- All women are at least a little crazy.
- A spork is the only worthy utensil.
- Life is better at the beach.
- Great music should always be listened to at full blast.
- Everything in life can be explained with the perfect Everclear song.
- And Superheroes are, in fact, real.
I know…because he was mine.
Luke was the one with all the strength.
As we grew up our shared set of sacred beliefs began to boil down to 2 fundamental ideas.
Creating happiness while helping others is the ultimate goal. And although life is full of ups and downs, we will be ok because we have each other.
I do not know how to do this without you, Lukey. But I do know I will spend the rest of my life doing everything I can to make you proud.